Frequently Asked Questions
Last updated: Sept. 28, 2025
Q: What is gouache?
A: Gouache (like “squash” but, like, en français) is watercolor’s thicker, moodier cousin. It dries flat and matte, covers nicely, and makes me look like I know what I’m doing. (Spoiler: I don’t.)
Q: Who runs this shop?
A: Just me—an amateur artist based in Baltimore with a full-time job, two cats, and more dumb responsibilities than I can reasonably juggle. This shop is a side project for fun (and a little pocket change). The cats do not help. They mostly judge.
Q: Do you ship internationally?
A: International shipping involves math, tariffs, customs forms, something called a VAT, and other terrifying brain puzzles. I am bad at math. Therefore, I do not ship internationally.
Q: Can I use your art on my own stuff?
A: Please don’t. If you’d like to use it for anything (personal, commercial, cosmic), contact me and we’ll chat.
Q: Why do you paint cigarettes and cigarette butts?
A: Because they’re basically the only thing I can draw or paint with any consistency. Please don't smoke, though. It's really bad for you, and it's very hard to quit. Don't do it.
Q: How do I know a painting is authentic?
A: Only buy directly from my this site, my official Big Cartel shop. Each painting has my initials and the last two digits of the year in which it was painted in the lower-right corner, plus the edition number, month, and year of production scribbled on the back. That’s my stamp of authentic badness.
Q: Will pieces come back if they sell out?
A: Nope. Every piece is one-of-a-kind. Once it’s gone, it’s gone forever. You snooze, you lose.
Q: Can I commission a custom painting?
A: Nerp. I lack the time, bandwidth, emotional fortitude, maturity, and patience for commissions. What you see is what you get.
Q: How fast do you ship orders?
A: I’m lazy but not heartless. I’ll usually drag myself to the post office within 7–14 days of your order, which means it should arrive within 3 weeks to a month. Consider it a test of patience—and a thrill when it finally arrives.
Q: Where can I see more of your work?
A: Check out the If You’ve Got Em Instagram page for a full catalog of my questionable artistic output. That’s also where I’ll announce when new batches of paintings are about to drop.
Q: Why does the painting I got look slightly different from the one on my screen?
A: Computers are hard. Screen resolutions vary. Lighting is weird. Paint is physical. Basically: expect tiny differences in color between what you see online and what you hold in your hands.
Q: Where can I read more about how this shop works?
A: Head over to the Terms & Conditions page for all the official rules, disclaimers, and legal mumbo-jumbo. It’s worth a skim before you hit “checkout.”